Step 2.9: (The Unbearable Lightness of) Ignoring Expectations
“It seems like the better it gets, the more miserable people become. There's never a technological advancement where people think, “Wow, we can finally do this!” … And I think a lot of it has to do with advertising. Americans have it constantly drilled into our heads, every fucking day, that we deserve everything to be perfect all the time.”
– Louis C.K.
Louis C.K. nailed it: We're drowning in a sea of manufactured discontent. Every ad screams that your life should be perfect. Spoiler: It won't be.
Run your race, at your own pace. Not the one that society tells you to run.
Even though it’s human nature, stop comparing your Chapter 1 to someone else's Chapter 20.
So many people seem to feel like they need to be at a certain point in life by a certain time. And if they’re not – they’re failures. Keeping up with the Joneses is one of the most difficult, detrimental and destructive behaviors. It starts at an early age and is perpetuated all the way through life.
Why do we feel this way? The burden of expectations that are placed on us can be enormous and suffocating.
After college, my friends all took the first corporate jobs that came their way because that’s what you were supposed to do, right? I didn't. I could’ve, but I felt like I’d never again have the opportunity to get the right start, so I chose my own pace instead. Like marathon advice I once got: Unless you're Kenyan, you're not winning this thing. So run your own damn race.
Society's got us sprinting on this hamster wheel of expectations. Women are programmed to chase the next life milestone. Men? We just want bigger & better versions of whatever shiny objects we already have.
For me, the answer has always been to ignore what everyone else is doing and set my own expectations. It has put me on a non-traditional, different path that has been more difficult, but much more rewarding for me.
Here's your homework: Write down where you think you should be. Now write down where you actually want to be. The gap between those answers? That's the bullshit tax you're paying to other people's expectations.
Your Playbook - answer these questions:
What do you think you should be now? Next? In 5 years?
Now, be honest with yourself. Where do you actually want to be now? Next? In 5 years?
What are other people going to expect of me?
How will I overcome these questions? Pressures?